Revisions

After met with Mrs. Cowley I saw many flaws in my paper. These flaws can be corrected by me simply adjusting some paragraphs and adding a source or two. There is also one other way that i can make my paper that much better. If I tie back all of my sources and points back to my thesis so that I can have a more solid paper.

math teaching

As far as progress on my paper goes, I didn't spend much time over the weekend working on it. However I did fix most of my grammatical problems. In class today, I plan on working on my conclusion, and strengthening a couple of my paragraphs. I hope to get as close to a final draft as I can so that I will not have to do much work over the next two days for this paper.

Revisions

One of the main issues that we talked about with my paper was making the thesis strong enough so that my paper could be more organized. If I can make a better thesis, then I will be able to focus my argument more efficiently. During class, I will work on coming up with a clear and strong thesis, then organize my paper in order to make the argument stronger.

Fixing My Mistakes

Over this weekend I haven't had very much time to work on my paper. I have worked a lot on fixing the small mistakes that I have instead of fixing the bigger problems that my paper has. During class today I want to address most of these problems. I want to strengthen my thesis statement first. I also want to build my credibility by using more sources and by giving background on some of the authors I quote. Several of my paragraphs just need to have their arguments pushed an additional sentence or two so that I can really make my point. Overall, in class today I want to work more on my argument than on the small mechanics.

Revision

With the new direction of my paper, most of the revisions are to the structure and reworking what is already in my paper to demonstrate this new position. This new angle about narratives and the cultural influences flows much more naturally than trying to debate about the globalization of film. In class today, I plan on re reading through my hard copy and writing in revisions and incorporating my new sources into the argument to make the paper more cohesive and clear about this new argument.

Issues Paper

At my conference on Friday with Professor Cowley we went over my thesis and how it needed to be strengthened and perhaps changed a little bit in order to fit the description of an issues paper. So... over the weekend I re-worked my entire paper to fit my new thesis on the prostitution debate. I believe that this has been a much better topic, and my paper has progressed because of it. Although it took an awfully long time, I think my paper is beginning to look more like an issues paper. From now until Thursday I am planning to go to the writing center and then critique and add a little more to my conclusion. In class today I plan to work on strengthening my conclusion and getting tips from some of my classmates about how I could enhance my paper.

Weekend Review

Since the conference on Friday I have read through the entire paper and fixed many of the grammatical errors. I corrected several paragraphs that were unclear to others reading my paper. Several problems with MLA formatting were also corrected.

In class I plan to spend most of my time correcting and rewriting my conclusion. I will also read through the entire paper again to ensure that it flows well. Where transitions and clarification are necessarry it will be added.

Between Then and Now

Between last Friday and today, I have mostly worked on my conclusion. I think I needed something more powerful and actually discussed how to do so with Professor Cowley. I went through my research and found a quote that I thought was powerful and really alluded to the influence of pathos. Then, I incorporated this quote into my paper. I think it serves as a powerful end to the conclusion; it makes it much more influential than just restating all of my ideas. Today in class I will be working on adding another paragraph to show how not much has changed in regards to sweatshops and that actions still need to be taken. I will also try to add another paragraph to show the next step in creating small improvements.

Transitions

Honestly my paper for the most part was just off on the flow and transitions between paragraphs. I knew from the beginning I was going to have issues with transitions between paragraphs because when it came down to moving to the next paragraph I couldn’t really figure out what I was going to say. So I just started the new paragraph even though I knew it didn’t flow well. I’ve been making the simple corrections on ma paper and figure that tomorrow, if all is well, I can receive help and work on my transitions with my Professor. My goal tomorrow is to start my transitions and topic sentences to connect my paper together as a whole.

I'm fresh out of creative titles

Well so far I have been making corrections that you (Prof. Cowley) have pointed out in my paper and also I definitely needed to fix the voice in some parts of my paper. I have too much "I" voice and it is not good for this type of paper. Also I had some serious work to do on my thesis to make it more original, more of something that the reader can't find anywhere else, something new that I am bringing to the table. Tomorrow in class I am expecting to do a little bit more research about what has been said about racial profiling and how it relates to the constitution. I will also try to find more information regarding the history of racial profiling especially in the Immigration Era. Thank you.

Progression

My paper like many of ours, was basically torn apart in the interview.  Although frustrating I have really seen the problems that were pointed out and ultimately it's good to have that criticism.  Since friday I have done a lot of revision by changing one of my main points.  I not only discussed that low skill jobs were outsourced, but also that high skill jobs were too, if they were common.  I also worked on backing up a lot of my opinions.  I feel very strongly about this topic and sometimes it came across as an op-ed.  I tried to make sure that for any time I voiced my opinion I backed it up with a source.  By the end of class I hope to have my paper completely done as far as the information goes so that I can just focus intensely on revising the next two days.

Paper Progress

I've been fairly pleased with my paper and the progress I've made on it over the weekend. When finding quotes for my arguments I forgot to write down the page numbers for my sources so I think my most tedious task will be looking all of those up. I also need to get rid of some repetitive points in my paper and find a few more examples to back up arguments. Last, I need to condense my conclusion and rearrange the order of my thoughts in it. By the end of class tomorrow I hope I will have eliminated my repetitive paragraphs and found a few more examples for some arguments. I also hope to get my of the reorganization of my conclusion finished.

Paper Progress

I’ve had a really slow start on my paper. I went from half a page of my paper to 8 pages between Friday and this morning. In class tomorrow, I plan on going through my paper and start making some of the changes Cowley and I talked about during our conference today. This includes: creating a stronger thesis, going through each paragraph and tweaking it to relate to my new thesis and make the arguments stronger, possibly reorganizing different paragraphs, adding works cited, adding page numbers to citations where needed, find better sources other than relying too strongly on background sources, among a few other minor details. I will not have time to do all of these things in 40 minutes, but it’s somewhere to start.

Paper Progress

Well, there were some obvious problems with my essay seeing as how it was torn apart on Friday, so I have done some intense revising to the first half of my paper because the original last half actually fits into my new approach and answers criticisms of my first draft. My paper is now sort of a 2-part research study on the economic benefits of sweatshops and how the morality of sweatshops needs to be improved. I have provided sources from both sides of the issue and proposed that a compromise of some sort be reached for the issue.

In class tomorrow I really want to make sure my essay is fluid and as smooth as possible. I am also going to eliminate as many "is" and "are" words as possible. I would love to have this draft read over again because it is very different from my first one, but I'll have to see.

The Post Formerly Known As Paper Progress

Since Friday, I've been swamped, so I haven't done much work on my computer. After my interview I gave my last printed draft another read through and marked out all of the areas that I wanted to change and what needed to happen. Like my interview, it was mainly focused on my transitions, and a couple of spots where my point and its relevance weren't clear. I also need to find a couple of citations that will nicely link my arguments with a logical progression.

By the end of class tomorrow I want to have made all of these corrections to my paper and found the necessary citations - this includes time that I get to spend between classes tomorrow morning. Usually I like to just spend the last couple of days constantly reading through and "ironing out" sentences that sound awkward.

Progress

This past weekend i made the changes i needed to from my conference and then i fixed a little bit of the organization on the paper. Some of my points wern't backed up well so i had to fix that. Organization was the big problem with my rough draft too, but with a paper that large is not that bad of a problem. I think everyone struggle with organization when your writing like 10 page papers. Tomorrow during the time allotted i will work more on the organization of my paper and make it look good. I should be almost done with it hopefully by the end of tomorrow. Wish me luck!!!